Delightfully heart-stopping

All things you know and love: bread, butter, ranch flavor, bacon, and cheese. I know, I know-- what was I thinking? Don't I value my arteries? To all you negative Nancies, I say only this: you are just jealous. I saw this recipe on Pinterest and had to unearth it's origins and make it myself. Without any further ado...

"Cheddar Bacon Ranch Pulls". This is amazing and addictive. You will punch people in the face to get to it first. You might even sacrifice your first born for another hit. So be warned-- don't enter into this culinary adventure if you're emotionally distraught; you might find yourself suddenly covered in bacon bits, with butter smeared across your best face. Food-binge blackouts are the worst!

If you're ready to take the plunge, here's what you'll need:
1 loaf crusty bread (the original recipe called for round, which was dandy; however, the center of the loaf didn't get much "love", if you will. I think a regular long baguette or ciabatta would work quite nicely)
1/2 lb bacon
1/4 lb cheddar
1 stick butter
1.5 T ranch dressing powder stuff

Cook your bacon:

Dice it up so that you have little delicious bits. Take your loaf:

And slice it both ways, but not all the way through:

So that you have little squares that are still attached to the base. Slice up the cheese:

Melt the butter and stir in the ranch powder:

I'm not going to show you the resulting mixture. It might scare you away. I can tell you, though, that it smelled fantastic. Like a magical marriage of garlic and fat that floated through the air and touched your very soul.

And by soul I mean salivary glands.

Smoosh (technical term) the cheese and bacon into all the little crevices of your bread. Dribble the butter-ranch mixture all over, making sure to get a good amount in the middle or thickest portion.

Wrap in foil and bake at 350 for 15 minutes. Remove the foil and bake for another 10 minutes. Remove from oven and let cool for a few minutes.

When ready, face plant into the bread and start chewing. Tell everyone you have some contagious and incurable disease so that they remove themselves from your presence and leave you in peace. Their shunning will be worth it, I assure you.

Food coma noms!